l-r: Shirley, Gillian and I at the benefit – June 2, 2007At 4:15am this morning (Monday – August 11th, 2008) I awoke and raised a glass to my darling girl, Shirley who had passed away in Nepean Hospital at that particular time twelve months ago. I do hope that those of you who knew her and loved her will do the same at some time during today. If you don’t drink alcohol, then a coffee, tea, or whatever is your beverage of choice would be fine.
Our particular journey together started on December 25th, 1985 when we met up at a pre-Convention Party at the home of Peter & Jann Gallen in Balmain and spent much of our time there talking with each other after which I walked with Shirley to the coach awaiting the attendees in Darling Street to take them to Ballarat and the Jazz Convention, making plans on the way to connect again in the New Year after she’d arrived back home.
Our next meeting was on Saturday – January 4th, 1986 when she came to a gig that BEACHHEAD was doing at Dick’s Hotel in Balmain. It was raining and, as I recall, not many people were there – we were after all playing in the beer garden.
Maree Steinway was playing keyboards with us that particular afternoon and I was to drive her home to Paddington after which I would be heading off to the Vanity Fair in the city to see the Eclipse Alley 5 and offered Shirley a lift as well. She accepted.
During our journey, I mentioned to her that I was to be performing at the Midsummer Jazz Concert in the Domain the following afternoon and had been given a number of ‘backstage passes’ and asked if she would like to come along with me as my guest and that I would pick her up from West Ryde the following afternoon after which we’d drop the car back at Balmain and catch a cab, along with my other friends Terri & Brendan to the Domain.
That was the beginning of a love affair that (physically) lasted until her passing from pneumonia twelve months ago. I say physically because I am still very much in love with my darling girl, am still very much married to her and miss her more with each and every passing day.
Believe me when I tell you that time does not heal the pain of loss.
We were given the news on December 20th, 2006 (our twentieth wedding anniversary) that I have Advanced Prostate Cancer, that it could not be cured, nor was it operable, that the only treatment they had for me was hormone therapy.
The fortunate side, at that time, was that it hadn’t yet reached my bones (still hasn’t as far as we know) and that I had between two and five years left to me.
With this knowledge in hand, Shirley and I decided to approach it with an attitude of, “Let’s try and make our twenty-fifth then and see what happens after that!” Also, I had not long renewed my 5-year Gold Licence and my 5-year Disabled Parking Card and it would be a shame to see either go to waste.
With this in mind we decided to celebrate her 80th and my 55th birthdays with a trip to Sydney on the first weekend in June last year (2007) to go and do what we hadn’t for a very long time – hear some ‘live music’. Jazz & Blues in particular!
In the process of trying to find some reasonably cheap accommodation for the weekend we contacted old and dear friend, Gayle Kennedy to see if she knew of any close in to Balmain and she came through with a couple of places that were a fair possibility.
I also told her about the illness and she decided that she’d organise a ‘benefit’ for me. I was happy about this as it meant that not only would we get enough to pay for the weekend and a few bills when we got back home, but also that it would afford us the sort of 80th birthday party that my darling deserved.
We drove down on the Friday and after a number of trials and tribulations got ourselves set up in our accommodation before heading of to visit with Marc at his new unit in Rozelle then returned for a much needed drink and rest after the drive before heading off to hear the first of our music for the weekend at the Unity hall Hotel and to meet up with a couple of old friends who wouldn’t be able to make the Saturday night.
Friday night didn’t go without incident as during the night I was getting up to head for the bathroom and fell over a chair in the bedroom bruising my chest severely. This didn’t help when I was trying to sing at the benefit on the Saturday night.
We caught a cab from Balmain to Tempe on the Saturday afternoon to go and hear saxophonist Dave Jensen’s band playing before the evening session and also in the expectation that a couple of members of Shirley’s family would be there early with one of the children who is gravely ill and whom we hadn’t seen since he was a baby. However, they didn’t arrive until later in the evening and stayed for quite some time before heading off when it all became just a little too much for the boy to handle any longer.
The night was amazing and was, as someone commented later, almost like a ‘Blues Festival’ as such. Most of the performers had met Shirley over the years through her being with me and had a great deal of respect for her and were only too happy to perform not only for my benefit, but for her birthday as well.
After the proceedings were kicked of with a ‘jazz’ trio featuring Peter Locke (keyboards), Stan Valakos (bass) and Adam Barnard (drums) among those who turned up and played were the King Sisters (Sally & Bridie), Graham Griffith’s ‘Out of Nowhere’, Ron & Jeff King with Tony Pedrosa & Jill Tweedie (all of the Foreday Riders), Don Hopkins & Rob Grosser (Dr. Don’s Double Dose), Dave Wray who MC’d the whole night, many of the ‘original’ Layabouts and I would guess at there being at least two entire line-ups of BEACHHEAD/BEACHHEAD’S BLUES as well as Rob Luckey and his bassist (neither of whom sadly got to play).
Many old and dear friends from our lives together turned up to help out and wish us well.
A reunion version of BEACHHEAD’S BLUES featuring Matt Ross & Matt Dwyer (guitars), Dean Edgecombe (bass) and Frank Corby (drums), plus myself hit the stage and the magic that had been there twelve years prior took over. We also included sit-ins from Raoul Hawkins (alto saxophone), Dave Wray (tenor saxophone), Freddie Hill (trumpet), Bridie King and Don Hopkins (piano – at different times).
Much of the time that this particular band was touring during the nineties, Shirley was on the road with us and she and I became almost like surrogate parents to the younger members of the band. Matt Dwyer actually flew in from Auckland (New Zealand) just to do the gig.
Later that night my darling girl also had a mishap back at our digs when she slipped backwards on a damp floor in the shared bathroom and wound up spending much of the Sunday in bed with what I suspect to have been concussion. Then, on the Sunday evening, as we were heading out for dinner with friends, I missed the last three steps and crashed face first into the concrete retaining wall at the bottom of the stairwell which made us decide that we would be leaving as early as possible for home on the Monday morning.
Sadly, this was to be the last that our friends would see of my darling as she developed pleurisy, her asthma flared up, she also wound up with an embolism in her left arm and the pleurisy became pneumonia was driven by ambulance to Lithgow Hospital on Sunday – August 5th, then flown by air ambulance to Nepean Hospital at 10:30pm on Monday – August 6th where she died as I held her hand at 4:15am on Saturday – August 11th, 2007.I am, fall all that, the luckiest of men. I spent 21½ years of my life with the true love of my life. Something many never get to do!
We were never rich, but we knew how to have fun and we had it together – and we have had and made many dear friends along the way. Quite a few of whom have been helping me get by over the past twelve months. I thank you all for what you have done and only wish that I could return the favour – mayhap, someday I shall.
If I am glad for anything at this time, it is that it is me who is left behind to battle with the wolves at the door and not my girl. Thus far, I’ve managed to keep them at bay!
I am sad that she was not here to enjoy the beautiful covering of snow that was left behind by last night’s fall – it is now 11:00am and most has disappeared.
May you all have a wonderful day and a wonderfully full life and remember my darling as having been your dear and loving friend,
Rod
Our particular journey together started on December 25th, 1985 when we met up at a pre-Convention Party at the home of Peter & Jann Gallen in Balmain and spent much of our time there talking with each other after which I walked with Shirley to the coach awaiting the attendees in Darling Street to take them to Ballarat and the Jazz Convention, making plans on the way to connect again in the New Year after she’d arrived back home.
Our next meeting was on Saturday – January 4th, 1986 when she came to a gig that BEACHHEAD was doing at Dick’s Hotel in Balmain. It was raining and, as I recall, not many people were there – we were after all playing in the beer garden.
Maree Steinway was playing keyboards with us that particular afternoon and I was to drive her home to Paddington after which I would be heading off to the Vanity Fair in the city to see the Eclipse Alley 5 and offered Shirley a lift as well. She accepted.
During our journey, I mentioned to her that I was to be performing at the Midsummer Jazz Concert in the Domain the following afternoon and had been given a number of ‘backstage passes’ and asked if she would like to come along with me as my guest and that I would pick her up from West Ryde the following afternoon after which we’d drop the car back at Balmain and catch a cab, along with my other friends Terri & Brendan to the Domain.
That was the beginning of a love affair that (physically) lasted until her passing from pneumonia twelve months ago. I say physically because I am still very much in love with my darling girl, am still very much married to her and miss her more with each and every passing day.
Believe me when I tell you that time does not heal the pain of loss.
We were given the news on December 20th, 2006 (our twentieth wedding anniversary) that I have Advanced Prostate Cancer, that it could not be cured, nor was it operable, that the only treatment they had for me was hormone therapy.
The fortunate side, at that time, was that it hadn’t yet reached my bones (still hasn’t as far as we know) and that I had between two and five years left to me.
With this knowledge in hand, Shirley and I decided to approach it with an attitude of, “Let’s try and make our twenty-fifth then and see what happens after that!” Also, I had not long renewed my 5-year Gold Licence and my 5-year Disabled Parking Card and it would be a shame to see either go to waste.
With this in mind we decided to celebrate her 80th and my 55th birthdays with a trip to Sydney on the first weekend in June last year (2007) to go and do what we hadn’t for a very long time – hear some ‘live music’. Jazz & Blues in particular!
In the process of trying to find some reasonably cheap accommodation for the weekend we contacted old and dear friend, Gayle Kennedy to see if she knew of any close in to Balmain and she came through with a couple of places that were a fair possibility.
I also told her about the illness and she decided that she’d organise a ‘benefit’ for me. I was happy about this as it meant that not only would we get enough to pay for the weekend and a few bills when we got back home, but also that it would afford us the sort of 80th birthday party that my darling deserved.
We drove down on the Friday and after a number of trials and tribulations got ourselves set up in our accommodation before heading of to visit with Marc at his new unit in Rozelle then returned for a much needed drink and rest after the drive before heading off to hear the first of our music for the weekend at the Unity hall Hotel and to meet up with a couple of old friends who wouldn’t be able to make the Saturday night.
Friday night didn’t go without incident as during the night I was getting up to head for the bathroom and fell over a chair in the bedroom bruising my chest severely. This didn’t help when I was trying to sing at the benefit on the Saturday night.
We caught a cab from Balmain to Tempe on the Saturday afternoon to go and hear saxophonist Dave Jensen’s band playing before the evening session and also in the expectation that a couple of members of Shirley’s family would be there early with one of the children who is gravely ill and whom we hadn’t seen since he was a baby. However, they didn’t arrive until later in the evening and stayed for quite some time before heading off when it all became just a little too much for the boy to handle any longer.
The night was amazing and was, as someone commented later, almost like a ‘Blues Festival’ as such. Most of the performers had met Shirley over the years through her being with me and had a great deal of respect for her and were only too happy to perform not only for my benefit, but for her birthday as well.
After the proceedings were kicked of with a ‘jazz’ trio featuring Peter Locke (keyboards), Stan Valakos (bass) and Adam Barnard (drums) among those who turned up and played were the King Sisters (Sally & Bridie), Graham Griffith’s ‘Out of Nowhere’, Ron & Jeff King with Tony Pedrosa & Jill Tweedie (all of the Foreday Riders), Don Hopkins & Rob Grosser (Dr. Don’s Double Dose), Dave Wray who MC’d the whole night, many of the ‘original’ Layabouts and I would guess at there being at least two entire line-ups of BEACHHEAD/BEACHHEAD’S BLUES as well as Rob Luckey and his bassist (neither of whom sadly got to play).
Many old and dear friends from our lives together turned up to help out and wish us well.
A reunion version of BEACHHEAD’S BLUES featuring Matt Ross & Matt Dwyer (guitars), Dean Edgecombe (bass) and Frank Corby (drums), plus myself hit the stage and the magic that had been there twelve years prior took over. We also included sit-ins from Raoul Hawkins (alto saxophone), Dave Wray (tenor saxophone), Freddie Hill (trumpet), Bridie King and Don Hopkins (piano – at different times).
Much of the time that this particular band was touring during the nineties, Shirley was on the road with us and she and I became almost like surrogate parents to the younger members of the band. Matt Dwyer actually flew in from Auckland (New Zealand) just to do the gig.
Later that night my darling girl also had a mishap back at our digs when she slipped backwards on a damp floor in the shared bathroom and wound up spending much of the Sunday in bed with what I suspect to have been concussion. Then, on the Sunday evening, as we were heading out for dinner with friends, I missed the last three steps and crashed face first into the concrete retaining wall at the bottom of the stairwell which made us decide that we would be leaving as early as possible for home on the Monday morning.
Sadly, this was to be the last that our friends would see of my darling as she developed pleurisy, her asthma flared up, she also wound up with an embolism in her left arm and the pleurisy became pneumonia was driven by ambulance to Lithgow Hospital on Sunday – August 5th, then flown by air ambulance to Nepean Hospital at 10:30pm on Monday – August 6th where she died as I held her hand at 4:15am on Saturday – August 11th, 2007.I am, fall all that, the luckiest of men. I spent 21½ years of my life with the true love of my life. Something many never get to do!
We were never rich, but we knew how to have fun and we had it together – and we have had and made many dear friends along the way. Quite a few of whom have been helping me get by over the past twelve months. I thank you all for what you have done and only wish that I could return the favour – mayhap, someday I shall.
If I am glad for anything at this time, it is that it is me who is left behind to battle with the wolves at the door and not my girl. Thus far, I’ve managed to keep them at bay!
I am sad that she was not here to enjoy the beautiful covering of snow that was left behind by last night’s fall – it is now 11:00am and most has disappeared.
May you all have a wonderful day and a wonderfully full life and remember my darling as having been your dear and loving friend,
Rod
